The Clown Prince of Onderon
by JackNapierTheFifth
Summary: What would happen if Batman's archenemy invaded the Star Wars galaxy? Here's one theory...


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away, the system of Onderon has just won its freedom back from Count Dooku and his separatist droid armies. The people are now free and content again. But trouble looms on the horizon for their newly appointed senator, Lux Bonteri who has recently made a decision to join the Galactic Republic. From the look of things, the republic is slowly but surely losing its democratic principles and becoming an empire. Some of he people of Onderon are beginning to grumble against their newly appointed senator. Our story begins in the seediest parts of the underworld of the capital city of Onderon….

A secret meeting was being held by certain conspirators against Lux Bonteri, in a secluded apartment room. The first conspirator said to the other two, "He's just a kid. How fit does he think he is to govern a system?" The second conspirator replied, "He did do a good job in helping to free our system from slavery under the separatist droid armies. You have to hand it to him." The third conspirator added, "You'll notice he had help from his Jedi friends from the Republic. On his own, he's weak and not fit to do anything." The second conspirator said in reply to the third one, "What do we do about it?" Then the first one answered, "I say we kill him and elect a new senator who thinks independently and doesn't make lousy choices." The second one said, "You're crazy."  
Then a strange looking man dressed like a clown entered the room and took a seat at the table where the conspirators are gathered as he said in an almost snakelike voice, "And what's wrong with that? It's done a world of wonders for _me_! Hahahaha! Nonetheless, he's right. Killing the boy would only turn him into a martyr." Upon sight of the purple suited stranger with the creepy grin on his face carved by scars, the third conspirator remarked, "Who are you and what business brings you here, Jack?" The clown replied, "Jack? Hehe! You can call me… JOKER!" The second man in the group asked him, "What business brings you here?"  
"I've come to make a proposition," replied the Joker. "Give me 100,000 credits and I'll see to it that the young senator in question steps down out of office."  
The first schemer said to him, "How are you going to do that, clown?"  
"I have a few methods up my sleeve. But I'm just about set to use them all, because I'm in such a good mood. Y'see, The cunning warrior doesn't attack blindly. The trick is to dishearten your enemy before moving in for the kill." A sinister grin appeared on his face as the Joker said it. "Interesting."  
"So, gentlemen, do we have a deal?"  
After a bit of consideration the conspirators agreed. The cautious one said, "I hope you know what you're doing."  
"Oh, believe me. You won't regret this," said the Joker as he exited the room letting out a maniacally sinister laugh as he walked out. "Yeah-hahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lux Bonteri, being the senator of Onderon, had his own private retreat on his home planet. He was taking time to visit his people from there when he heard what some of them were saying. On the day he was preparing to address his people with a speech he had prepared to try and assure them that he was indeed doing his best to serve them well and justly, he received a bunch of letters and post cards from various addresses. They all seemed to be from the same person, though, as they were all signed at the end by the following signature; "Mr. J."  
As he looked though these letters what he saw on them was unsettling. They each seemed to be a crude drawing or a poem depicting a mockery of his deceased parents and one of them even said at the end of them. "PS: This _small _mockery is just the beginning of the end for you, Luxie. Hehehehe!" Upon seeing that, Lux promptly tore that last note up and said quietly to himself, "Who in the galaxy would be so sick as to take the time to do this?"  
Lux then re-prepared himself to give his address to the people. As he began to give his speech over his holo-transmitter, however, the frequency he was using started to receive interference from an unidentified hacker. Then the man who was hacking into the public communication channel appeared in the hologram in Lux's place and said, "Hello Onderon… and hello Luxie! Yes, I'm talking to you, kid." Then he started singing to the tune of Call Me Maybe.  
"Hey! I just met you… and I am CRAZY.  
My name is Joker. So, catch me maybe.  
It's so hard not… to laugh at you LUXIE.  
Cause' now that I'm here… you're out of Luck. See?  
Your politics… would never save us.  
What's coming our way… seeks to enslave us.  
But I just met you… and, yes, I'm crazy.  
Now that you know it… come catch me maybe!"  
Lux both found the song annoying and the message it gave to be bad news. But he didn't know just HOW bad that news really was. In any event, he knew he couldn't track the Joker down my using his holo-trace device because it was a message delivered by his own hacked-into channel. Nonetheless, he decided to send a few scouts to search the city for his newfound nemesis.

When the scouts Lux sent returned, 3 of them were dead, two of them injured, and the only one left unscratched had four more letters from the clown faced phantom. This time they were mostly in sadistic mockery of the death of another, slightly more cherished, one of Lux's former loved ones, Steela Gerrera.  
Now Lux had not only loved her in her life time, but he honored her as a martyr. So did all the people of Onderon. It was Steela's sacrifice that gave Onderon its freedom from separatist control. Upon sight of photos taken of her, dangling off a cliff and after she had hit the rocky ground below and cracked her neck, mixed with ill-timed captions, Lux was furious. Some of the said captions were as follows:  
It's time to retire. Feel free to drop in! Hehehehehe!  
Knock-Knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo Who? Hahahaha!  
Lux then decided to make tracking this maniac down and capturing him his own personal mission. He said, "This fiend will pay for such a monstrous insult to our system!" 

The Joker was sitting in his new hideout admiring his handiwork, thus far. One of his goons entered the room he was in and said, "Boss! Bonteri's looking for us! He's bringing a whole squad of his top men with him, personally!"  
Mr. J only grinned wider. "Ah. He's finally coming after me himself. I'll let him know I'm here, then," he said as he pulled out a communication device to signal his watchman. "Lawrence, let him know where we are."  
The watchman answered, "Yes, sir!"  
After ending the call, the Joker said to his goon at present, "Get ready to have some fun!"

Lux Bonteri, meanwhile, led his men to a rusty old hang out building where he had been instructed to go by a fellow in average street clothes named Lawrence, who appeared generally trustworthy, although Lux suspected this could be a trap. He knew from personal experience not to judge a book by its cover.  
Upon entering the building, he instructed his men to use caution and stick together as he had a feeling from the last attempt to capture this clown that this was not going to be easy. No sooner had he finished giving those instructions, a hail of old fashioned bullets began firing at him them from the next room. "Take cover!" cried Lux. An injury was inflicted upon one of his men in the midst of this chaos but they all found a place to take cover and get into a battle position.  
Soon, Lux heard the snakelike voice of his enemy above their heads on a platform overlooking the room. "Welcome, Luxie! I've been waiting for you! Yeah-hahahahaha!" As the senator gritted his teeth, the Joker pulled out a lighted bomb and threw it at Lux's men, cackling clownishly as he did it. "Ha-hahahahaha! Hahahahaha!"  
"Run to the next room, single file!" Lux shouted. It was hard to hear him over the loud and frightening laughter of the enemy, but Lux's men followed him. Some tried to fire at the Joker as they ran but none of them hit him. When they got into the next room, the expected explosion in the entry hall happened immediately, and set some of that room's furnishings on fire. But the battle didn't stop, as Lux's men shot at the Joker goons in the room they ran into. One of Lux's men was killed, but most of them stuck together and cleared the room of the Joker's lackeys.  
Soon, the battle was decided. The Joker's men were eventually outmatched and ordered to get out of the building. As the Joker himself attempted to get out, he found a couple of troops waiting outside for him, but he quickly did them in by squirting toxic chemicals at them from his trick flower attached to his purple suit.

Then Lux came out from behind him and started to pull his gun. But the Joker was faster on the draw, sadly. The clown pulled his pistol first and then addressed Lux face to face for the first time saying, "Tell me something my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"  
"What?" Lux replied.  
"I always ask that of all my prey," said the Joker. "I just like the sound of it." Then he shot at Lux, who thought he was a goner and cringed upon sight of the joker's finger pulling the trigger.

No one was more amazed than Lux upon discovering he was alive and uninjured when he opened his eyes again, five seconds later. He was also discouraged when he looked around and saw his enemy had vanished without a trace. The Joker had escaped. Lux snapped his fingers in frustration and ordered his men to look for evidence of where the smiling maniac ran off to. They all came back to him confused and equally frustrated.  
As Lux himself began the long walk back home, he accidently bumped into someone in an alley. As he apologized for his awkward clumsiness, he noticed just how beautiful she was. The girl looked young, no older than him. She had teal blue eyes, pale skin, and two tone hair with one side of it being light brown and the other side being golden blonde. By the look of her clothing, however, she was probably a smuggler. But as Lux finished his apology, she smiled to him and said in a rather sweet voice, "Hey! You're Senator Lux Bonteri! Aren't you?" She held out her hand as if offering to shake his. "My name's Sora Toki. Pleased to meet you."  
Lux was a bit entranced by her despite some warnings he'd received that said never to trust a smuggler. So he shook her hand and replied, "Yes, I am. Pleased to meet you, too."  
She continued the conversation and said, "I was so impressed by the stories I heard about you and your friends when you were fighting to free this planet. You were really brave. You certainly did a lot to earn your place of authority… and I love how you are such an open minded and charismatic politician."  
Lux felt a bit flattered and started to get suspicious that she was flattering him on purpose. But he replied, "I must say, I'm a bit charmed. It's nice to have a fan." Sora smiled wide and chuckled a bit. Then she could only look into his eyes dreamily like a typical fan girl who had just met her idol face to face. Lux then glanced at the sun and said, "If you'll excuse me, I have to go. It was a pleasure speaking with you, Sora."  
"Take care, Senator," she said. As he walked away with a bit of a grin on his face, Sora smiled and sighed as she watched him go.

In his haste to get away, the Joker got lost in the streets of Onderon. He found it kind of hard to read the road signs, since he didn't know the planet's local alphabet. He said to himself, "Sometimes I question why I became a criminal. I mean, I gave up telemarketing for THIS?"  
Then another thug, whom he didn't recognize as one of his own men, came out of a dark alley dragging a child with him by the ear. The child was obviously being kidnapped by this zygerian goon. The young boy struggled to get free and the kidnapper said, "No wonder your parents hated you!" Then he caught sight of Mr. J right next to him and pulled out a gun. He snapped, "What are you looking at, clown?!"  
The Joker pointed up and said, "Hey, isn't that Haley's Comet?" The cat eared thug made the stupid mistake of falling for that old trick and the Joker swatted the gun out of the zygerian's hand, freeing the boy from his grip in the process. Then he pulled his own gun on his would-be attacker and the guy ran off in panic. As the guy ran off into the night, the Joker pulled the trigger and a red flag came out and unfurled to reveal the word 'Bang' written on it. "Hahahahahahaha! Oooh, what a day. Hehehehehehehe!"  
The kid whom he rescued, inadvertently, was only short enough to hug the Joker's leg. But as he did it, he said, "My hero!" The child looked up and smiled at the man he didn't know too much about, other than the fact that he liberated him from a criminal who would have sold him into slavery. The Joker put on a puzzled look and was about to speak when his newfound fan boy spoke again. "My name's Aadin. Thanks for saving me. I don't really have anywhere to go now, though."  
The Joker asked, "Well, Aadin, I'm just a clown faced crook myself. Do you really think I'd adopt you?" Aadin said nothing. He just continued hugging the leg of his liberator. Then the Joker finally melted and said, "Oh, alright." Then he picked Aadin up and carried him on his shoulders to the nearest spot under a bridge where he planned on sleeping for the night, if he could find a blanket to hide his face under. But this father son relationship was sadly not going to last…

The next day, as Mr. J was taking his newfound fan boy for a stroll in the streets of the outskirts of town, Aadin's ungrateful step parents saw him with the clown faced "freak" and instantly saw the Joker as the kidnapper. Without warning, they dragged Aadin away from him and started beating the heck out of him with an iron cooking pot. Appalled at this unjust misunderstanding, the Joker figured if this was the reward he got for doing a good deed, he'd do no more. That was when the unholy yellow gleam returned to his eyes, not to leave again.

Meanwhile, Lux called for the assistance of the Jedi Council, hoping that his old friend, Ahsoka Tano, could help him out like she had, in the past, on numerous occasions. Much to his dismay, he found out that Ahsoka had recently left the Jedi order after an ordeal he had sadly not been around to witness. He felt troubled at this news, because he wished he could have stuck up for the one loyal friend he had throughout his previous struggles when she needed help in return. But the Jedi council dispatched a friend of hers to help Lux. Master Plo Koon was sent, along with an apprentice to Kit Fisto who also knew Ahsoka as a friend. His name was Darius Obat.

The next day, upon their arrival in the Onderon royal palace, Plo and Darius met with Lux who showed them a replay of a transmission he just received from the Joker. It showed the Joker, with a knife in hand, holding a hostage from off the streets. The Joker said "Here's how it's going to be, Luxie. For every day you remain in office, people are going to die… starting now." The hologram ended as the hostage in the picture started being carved up by the Joker's blade.  
Lux told the Jedi, "I should have called you in sooner. This is personal, now. I'm going to step down, until I see to it myself that he's out of action." Despite Master Plo insisting that it was a foolish move, Lux went out to address his people publicly.  
"People of Onderon. For the sake of your safety, I'm going to have to give in to Mr. J's demands. But as my last act as senator, I will personally see to it that he doesn't go on another killing spree. It's me or him! In case I die, I bid you all an affectionate farewell."  
Then after a bow, Lux gathered an array of weapons to use and stepped out of office, leaving the palace inconspicuously. Somewhere in the crowd, Sora Toki stood saddened and put her hands over her heart. 

Before Lux left the building, Darius Obat stopped him in his tracks to say, "Lux, if you should die, Master Plo will finish your mission for you. But should you survive, I know about your bond with Ahsoka Tano. She told me all about you."  
Lux replied, "She did?"  
Darius nodded and said "From what I can tell, she really cares about you… as a friend. If she contacts you at any time, in the future, I want you to inform me. She was a good friend of mine. I don't know where she is now, but I hope she's alright."  
Lux nodded back and said, "I'll let you know if she comes to me."  
Darius smiled a bit and said, "Hey. May the force be with you."  
Then Lux went out to find the Joker's new lair.

As he was on the trail to it, Sora Toki ran up to Lux from behind and grabbed his wrist. She said, "Lux." She corrected herself quickly. "Senator, I can't let you do this. You could very well be going on a suicide mission. I don't want to see you get killed!"  
Lux replied, "Sora? I have no choice. I have to do this."  
She looked worried and said, "You don't owe these people anymore. You've already given them everything you have to give!"  
Lux looked her in the eyes and said. "And I wish I could do more."  
He smiled a bit and freed his wrist, then continued walking as she cried back to him. "Lux! No!"  
But in a matter of minutes, Lux found himself facing the front door of the Joker's lair.

Once he got in, Lux was confronted by two of the clown masked henchmen the Joker was paying to help him. But after defeating them, Lux was surprised that no others seemed to be around. He started to come to the realization that Sora was right about this being a suicide mission and that he was walking into a trap. The front doors then slammed shut behind him and bolted themselves and he knew he was going to face his likely doom. But he pressed on to the next hall and made his way towards the center of the building. As he got closer to his scanner's destination, he heard the Joker's voice over a microphone…  
"So, I see you decided to come after me yourself. I'm glad. I did so want you to come. You see, it doesn't matter if you catch me and take me to the local authorities. Your people don't want you governing them, Luxie. Yeah-hahahahahaha!"  
Lux tried to ignore the clownishly sadistic monologue. But as the Joker spoke even more, his words started to get to him.  
"Why are you protecting them anyway? They won't appreciate it. Their code. Their morals. It's all a bad joke dropped at the first sign of trouble. When the chips are down, these 'civilized' people will eat each other. To them, you're just a freak like me. They need you now but, the minute they don't, they'll cast you off. No matter who you are or what you've done for them, eventually they'll hate you. . Y'see, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."  
"Shut up!" Lux cried out. "I don't believe it. I won't."  
Then as Lux reached the room where the sensor was leading him, the doors leading into it slammed shut behind him and the clown put a spotlight on Lux from a secret control room close by.  
"Alright now, Luxie. I'll provide you with the cold hard truth… You're, Lux Bonteri. Even the few people who admire or envy you are wrong about the reality of your existence. Although you're a winner in the moral sense that you freed your home planet from Count Dooku's grip, emotionally speaking, you lost everything and everyone you held dear… maybe even….. Ahsoka."  
Lux lowered his eyebrows and frowned.  
"It's true, Luxie. I know EVERYTHING. So your life is a tragedy and kind of like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents by opening them early, I must admit, it's sadly anticlimactic. Because I further know that, with the rise of a new order, even your moral victory will be undone. Your hard work and your sacrifices will all be for nothing! It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic… Oh, what the heck? I'll laugh anyway. BHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"  
Lux dropped onto his knees and looked down, shedding a tear.  
"Does it depress you, kiddo? To know just how alone you really are? Then let me put you out of your misery."  
Lux's expression grew cold as the Joker said, "And now… comes the part, where I relieve you, the little orphan, of the burden of your failed and useless life. But… as my plastic surgeon always said, 'If you're going to go, GO WITH A SMILE.' Yeah-hahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha! AHAHAHA! Phew."  
But just as the room started filling up with toxic smylex gasses, a light saber cut through the wall and Darius Obat came into the room to get Lux out of there, saving him from the nasty fate of death by the joker's toxins. Lux's face showed signs of slight happiness again as he was rescued and brought outside where Sora Toki and a few other individual citizens of Onderon were waiting for him.  
"Gah! Spoiling my fun, eh?! Jedi scum!" The Joker shouted.  
"The place is surrounded Joker!" Darius yelled back. "The entire population of Onderon is waiting to give you what you deserve!"  
The Joker's eyes widened as he looked out the window of the control room and he said, "Well, then I'll just take the secret passage out of here! Ta-ta!" Then he slid down a chute that led to the nearest spaceship loading dock, knowing he had to get out of the Onderon system. "Hehehehehe!"  
As Lux shook Darius's hand Darius said, "Don't thank me. Sora's the one who stirred up an angry mob to come to your rescue."  
Lux looked at Sora and smiled, causing her to smile back. Then he said, "People of Onderon! Let's make sure he DOESN'T get way with his crimes! Follow me!" They all followed him as he made his way towards the shipping dock.

The Joker, meanwhile, arrived at the dock to find Plo Koon waiting there for him. As Master Plo ignited his saber he said, "You won't get away with this, clown! Not without a fight."  
A big devilish grin spread on the Joker's face and he said, "Oooh. What fun! Dealing away with murder! Hehehehe!" He pulled out a machinegun and said, "Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" Then he fired a hail of laser bolts at the Jedi who deflected them as he ran backwards and behind a corner of wall.  
The Joker followed him around the corner only to find a dead end. Then as he looked around, Master Plo charged from behind. The Joker noticed and grabbed Plo's wrist as he tried to swing his saber down at him. Master Plo tried to punch the Joker in the face as the fight moved around a bit. But the Joker kicked him in the tender spot between the legs and snatched the saber out of his hand, swinging it at his neck. "Hahahahahahaha!" Master Plo ducked before his head could be cut off and force pushed the Joker away into a row of trash cans. Then, as he used the force to tray and snatch his sword back, the clown was able to get back up, pull out a pistol and shoot at Master Plo's heart. "Hahaha!" Master Plo backed away from the bolt, but in the process missed the chance to grab his sword back. The Joker shot again and again as he charged closer to Master Plo. Then one of the bullets hit Plo in the shoulder and at, that instant, the Joker pounced on Master Plo, getting right on top of him. Then the clown proceeded to choke the Jedi with his bare hands. As master Plo started struggling to get free, The Joker pulled out a knife and stabbed him in the other shoulder, weakening his opponent. Master Plo continued stuggleing, but then the Joker tightened his grip and let out an evil cackle. "Hahahahahahahaaaa!" Then, Master Plo stopped struggling as his corpse vanished into thin air becoming one with the force.  
As the Joker smiled a ghastly grin that says sick satisfaction like no other, he got into the nearsest ship and took off, making his escape just as Lux and his people got the dock. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" And after letting out one last laugh, he was gone.

Darius went back to Coruscant to give a report about the death of Plo Koon.  
Lux was welcomed back into office by King Dendup and the entire court.  
Now, although Sora Toki offered to heal his heart a little bit by asking him out on a date, surprisingly, Lux didn't take her up on that offer. The part about Ahsoka in the Joker's last monologue to him was still eating away at his heart, leaving him emotionally drained. So Sora and Lux went their separate ways without even so much as a goodbye kiss.  
Up to this day, Lux is still single. In his dreams, he'll dream about his lost loved ones. Near the end of these nightmares, he'll find himself faceing a mirror only to see the face of the clown prince of crime instead of his own reflection. It made him wonder if it was worth it as the Joker said something before allowing Lux to wake up.  
"I'm only laughing on the outside. My smile is just skin deep. If you could see inside, I'm really crying. You might join me for a weep? Hehehehehehe!"

THE END


End file.
